New Website

Hey y’all-

As most of you know, I started this blog in the summer of 2015 with the intention of sharing my travel photos and stories, and also reconnecting with my passion for writing. If you’ve been following my journey, you know that recently that passion has blossomed and resulted in many publications and even my first chapbook!

It is for this reason that I wanted to announce my new website, www.karaknickerbocker.com. This is a more professional site where I will list my publications, upcoming readings & events, author news, etc.

I will continue to have this site for my travel blog and other experiences.

Those who have stuck past me the past year and a half, I want to extend to you the most heartfelt thank you. I never knew what your support could mean to me.

I may be taking a break from traveling, but don’t worry- you’ll find me in some corner of the universe soon!

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26.2 thoughts on 26.2

Remember my last post on becoming a marathoner?

It was an incredible experience, but let’s get real- I still felt like I was getting hit very hard by an 18-wheeler in slow motion. For those of you who swear on your life you’ll never run one, here’s an inside look from my perspective.

 

1.Really, all races are just an event you pay for  just to stand in line for porta potties and slowly die.

2. Wow. I can’t believe I am actually about to do this. Why would anyone do this?

3. OMGherewego! Can’t turn back now.

4. Remember, start out slow and get comfortable, we’re gonna be here for a while. Like, a VERY long while…

5. You’re running a full marathon while everyone else is still asleep or nursing a hangover. Yay, go you! (Oh, how things have changed.)

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6. *Sees sign “If Trump can run for this long, so can you.”*  Oh boy, that’s a good one.

7. Look at these women. They are kicking ass right now and are probably twice my age. #GOALS

8. This sunrise would be so much better if I was sitting on the beach instead of running past it.

9. I really have to pee. Already. Ugh, of course I do.

10. Down goes gel #1. This won’t be pretty.

11. Yep, that’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever had. *Chases with water.*  Whoa, they’re wearing speedos at this water station. *Chokes on water.*

12. Great job on running a half marathon! Now, all you have to do is just do it all over again. Piece of cake.

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13. Look, there’s my family!!! Thank God.  (Running this isn’t easy, but standing & waiting this long for me probably isn’t very fun, either.)

14. I didn’t even know I could chafe there.

15. Swallowing a salt tab while running…probably not the best idea.

16. If I drink more, I’ll have to pee more. But if not, I’ll risk dehydration. Decisions, decisions.

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17. *Smiles at every camera man*  If I’m only doing this once, I need to look good in these pictures.

18. Almost to mile 20, I can do this!

19. Is that Lake Erie in my sports bra or just a pool of sweat? Ick.

20. What’s the probability that I will lose a toenail from this? Because I think I am right this second.

21. Oh. Crap. So this is the wall they were talking about… just ran smack into it.

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22. Do I even have kneecaps anymore? I can’t even feel anything.

23. *Thinks about quitting 587 times* *Curses everything under the sun* *Hates people who have already finished and/or are still looking good at this point*

24. This is the worst. Why would anyone put themselves through this? Dedicating this mile to how stupid I am for signing up for this in the first place.

25. You’ve got less than a 5k left. SUCK. IT. UP.

26. You are SO close! Soon you’ll be eating chocolate cake and celebrating and wearing that medal around your neck all damn day. Keep going!!!

26.1. DONE. I FINISHED. OMG. I DID IT. I can cross this off my bucket list and NEVER do it again.

26.2. I heard Richmond has a nice fall marathon…I wonder if I could get a new PR if I just train harder?

 

Never say never 😉

 

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Less Than 72 Hours in Chicago

Bold architecture? Delectable food? Astonishing art? Chicago, one of the largest cities in the states, has it all.

I’ve been looking for a chance to explore this city, and when I saw flights* for less than $100 round-trip (on a holiday weekend!) I took it.

I left Thursday, September 1st and returned Sunday, September 4th. During my stay, my friends Shawna & Shelly were kind enough to let me stay at their apartment that they just recently moved into.

Here’s what I experienced in my short time there:

First experience on the ‘L’

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**The transit system- easy to use, only $20 for a 3-day pass (purchased from O’Hare station) and quite convenient.

A run on Lakefront trail

I convinced Shawna to squeeze in a 2.5 mile run early in the morning. Loved this view!

Wrigley Field

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While I didn’t catch a game here, I could feel the atmosphere from outside the stadium. Cubs fans and gear everywhere!

Views from the Skydeck (Willis Tower)

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The lines were absolutely terrible, but the view beneath my feet made it all worth the experience.

Chicago style hot dogs at Portillo’s

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We got the tip that this local chain was the place for Chicago style dogs, and not only that, but they had delicious chocolate cake- plus it was all very affordable and had a very retro vibe! 

A theft

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Obviously, this was an event we didn’t plan. Shortly after we left Portillo’s, Shawna received an e-mail about a fraudulent charge on her card. Somehow, someone had gotten her wallet. The next couple hours were spent cancelling her credit and debit cards and accounting for everything that would need replaced. It was stressful, but it could have been much worse. Besides, what’s the full city experience without a little chaos?

Riverwalk

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Did I mention I love these colors? I could take my lunch break along the river any day.

Deep dish pizza from Lou Malnati’s

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***Honestly think I am going to crave this delicious, heavenly pizza for the rest of my life. 

Revolution Brewing, Co. beer

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Another must after a long day of walking. Shawna had this in her fridge, and I was a big fan. Spiced with coriander & orange peel.

Navy Pier

For a holiday weekend + Lobster fest going on, this place = absolute madness. However, the crowds were no match for the views of this landmark. 

Jazz Festival

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I picked a great weekend to visit- the jazz festival was going on downtown and we caught a captivating performance in Millennium Park. 

Lincoln Park/Lincoln Park Zoo

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Lincoln Park Zoo is an incredible place to visit if you have kids, as it’s FREE! We walked through Lincoln Park to the beach. 

Lake Michigan

The contrast of the sand & water with the city skyscrapers in the background was incredible to me. And as you can see, I was really enjoying the weather!

Molly’s Cupcakes

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Because sometimes you have to treat yourself! This place was adorable, complete with swings for seats. May I present to you: The Ron Bennington, Blueberry Cheesecake, and Peach Cobbler cupcakes. 

Millennium Park

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Tons of sculptures, cool architecture, and mesmerizing art. This is where a lot of concerts & large events are held.

Cloud Gate (The Bean)

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Jumping for joy because I love this city!

Buckingham Fountain

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Caught this right as the sun was reflecting off the buildings. An incredible ending! This is one of the largest fountains in the world.

Knickerbocker Hotel

I tried really hard to convince the manager to give me the hook up, since the hotel and I share a last name, but he wasn’t having it. He did, however, show us the crystal ballroom where there was a wedding going on. Beautiful, historic hotel.

Stan’s Donuts

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Okay, people. I really loved this place. A wide variety of flavors, old fashioned charm, etc. The donuts were scrumptious, but don’t inhale them and chug your coffee like I did. Also, maybe avoid diabetes and get one donut like a normal person?

 

Some tips:

*Fly Frontier or Spirit–  If you are flying into Chicago, look for cheaper flights on these airlines. If you can do it, only bring a backpack. I flew Frontier and they charge for carry on and checked bags, but a backpack that fits certain restrictions is free. If you’re only there for a short time, it’s all you need!

**Get the Ventra 3-day pass at the O’Hare airport. I only paid $20, and was told that anywhere else, they charge you for the $5 card fee. This lets you take both the L and the buses an unlimited number of times in that 72 hour period.

***Don’t be afraid to talk to locals. I would have gotten so lost if I didn’t ask someone for help, and we would’ve missed out on a lot of great spots if we didn’t take our new friends up on their recommendations. (Obviously, use common sense and your gut instinct when it comes to your safety to avoid any dangerous situations.)

 

So there you have it. There is PLENTY more ground to cover whenever I visit again, but this little getaway was all kinds of perfect.

 

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Have you been to Chicago? What did you love/do/see/eat? Let’s hear all about it!

 

 

 

Publication Updates

Hi y’all, I have great news to share!

Two articles have been published this week.

Check out a past blog post that made it into Thought Catalog here.

And read on to discover What Keeps Us, published on Odyssey Online. I’ll be posting weekly articles there as well. Please be sure to comment and share! I’d love to hear from you.

 

Thanks for following! Stay tuned for what I have up my sleeve for next time;)

 

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First Anniversary!

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Whoa. Exactly one year ago I created From This Side of the Sun. I had zero clue how to use WordPress, let alone how to blog, and no idea what would happen once I let this baby out into the world. All I knew is that I had to do it. I had to create an outlet for my voice.

Since then, it’s been nothing short of an incredible adventure in itself, and my saving grace in its own right. I’ve been able to share my stories of traveling, my struggles and accomplishments with running, my poetry, and even opened up about my health issues. I’ve written about my passions and my most embarrassing moments, from wild adventures to every day life. I have connected with so many individuals across the country, and surprisingly enough, this blog has brought me even closer to those already here at home.

So a massive THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for following along these past 365 days, being an instrumental part of my continuous growth and support of strength, and letting me share my world with you.

New here? I got ya covered. Here’s a snapshot of  some of my favorite memories (both old & new) of posts from August 2015-now. Time really does fly when you’re having fun, huh?

 

Can’t wait to see what’s next!

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Anddddd, she’s off again!

I just did the craziest thing.

I threw caution to the wind, and booked a flight to Peru that leaves exactly ONE WEEK from today.

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Can’t wait to see this in person!

Borderline insane? Probably.

This wasn’t completely out of nowhere, though- I’ve been wanting to travel to South America for almost 5 years now. I created the opportunity, I got the time off work, and I didn’t let anything (or anyone) hold me back. I took the leap.

If you know me at all, you know I crave adventure. You know I love spontaneity. And I’m also a walking contradiction, because I also have to plan everything and be in control of knowing fully what’s going on. (So putting a trip together in under a week is going to be interesting.)

I’ll leave Pittsburgh next Thursday, July 14th, and after a couple years of no big international trips, I’m more than itching with excitement for my next solo journey!

Traveling alone isn’t new to me. Roughly 3 years ago, I boarded a plane to Barcelona with a dream to make my way around Europe. I was by myself, I was scared, I was nervous, I didn’t know what to expect. (Read about it here.)

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But, similar to this moment, I also knew I had to do it. I knew I wanted to explore all the corners of the world and dive headfirst into the unknown more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I wanted to indulge in the food and culture of a new place, meet new people, and see what I’d only ever seen in breathtaking photographs. I needed to understand the world around me and realize what a small place I took up in it.

Looking back, it was the best decision I have EVER made. I’ve met some of the greatest friends, not to mention really began to discover myself. I was surprised at my own strength. Cliche as it sounds, take my advice: Sometimes when you’re the most lost, you find who you are.

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Since then, life has been a whirlwind of small trips, working, training for races, surgeries, etc. I’m ready to get back out there.

Traveling shocks me in a way I can only describe as coming alive. Strange as it may sound, I feel the most at peace when I’m pushing through the London underground, getting lost in the streets of Barcelona, or jumping from the Alps. It truly makes me feel like I am LIVING life, instead of existing in this world.

There is so much more out there than you can imagine. Don’t get me wrong- starting a career or a family and planting roots are all wonderful things! I have a great job, live in a cool city, and am dating the most wonderful guy. But I also yearn for what’s outside my little corner of the universe, and I think a small part of me always will.

So, who has two thumbs and is finally going to South America? This girl! And I can’t wait to write & tell you guys all about it.

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Have you been to Peru? What are your recommendations? I’d love to hear from you about what you’d do again (or differently). Help me out, amigos!

*Lima
*Cusco
*Machu Picchu
*Sacred Valley
*Lake Titicaca

 

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In Case You Didn’t Hear Me

 “You’ve gotta tell him to shit or get off the pot. What is he waiting for?!”

or now, the occasional “Your niece is so adorable! When is it your turn?” 

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Stop asking me.

While your questions or comments about my life and these future events may seem completely harmless, consider what I’m about to tell you. Perhaps you meant it sincerely, or were just joking around. Maybe you were genuinely curious, or were making polite conversation. Regardless of your intention, rethink it.

Here’s why:

1. It feeds into social pressures on females. It also reinforces the idea that marriage and childbirth are not only assumed next or future steps, but almost expected. As a result, we can be reluctant to speak of our different opinion, or choose a separate path than the one that you’re laying out for us.  Furthermore, there’s enough pressure there already.  I remember feeling the weight these types of questions carried. It started with, “What are you going to do after graduation/moving/etc.?” It felt as though my life was defined by this answer. Yes, it’s good to have a plan, and some people need these pushes as motivational benchmarks to figure out where they are at and move forward. But don’t you think I already have these things on my mind constantly? Might you be unintentionally pushing this individual toward something they weren’t ready for, but are now overthinking and rushing into? Whether it be a career, marriage, etc. Life changes take time. Everyone goes at their own speed. And, unless you had it all figured out by your twenties, don’t expect them to.

2. Is it really and truly your business? How does this affect your daily life? I certainly don’t mind telling my close friends and family, but we all know that one person that wants to know just because. AKA a shady individual that does not have your best intentions at heart, only the latest gossip. You must have a dull life if you feed off knowing what’s going on in mine. (Seriously, I wish I had that kind of time to kill.)

3. If the individual is single: asking them when they are going to get a boyfriend/get married is like asking, “What is wrong with you that you don’t already have a boyfriend?” First of all, thanks for the unwanted pity. Second, you are basically implying that they are not good enough on their own. Having a partner will not make someone complete. Believe it or not, some women have other dreams than just to be someone’s  wife. There is nothing wrong with marriage being a major goal, but don’t assume that it is the only thing on every  woman’s to-do list. Let’s set women’s rights back even further, shall we?  We are still  learning to love and know ourselves. That should always come first.

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4. If the individual is in a relationship: Again, a ring on their finger is not going to make someone complete or “better.” Also, don’t assume they haven’t talked about it. You should have faith that the indivudual and their significant other have discussed the future of their relationship and will take that step when they are both ready, either financially, emotionally, or both. Even if they are already there, some couples are truly at peace with where they are and do not feel the need to slap that label on it just because “we’ve been together for ____ years, so it’s just time to take the next step.” Personally, I want my future husband to ask me that question because and only because he wants to marry me more than anything in this damn world, NOT because it’s “the next step.” I have seen so many of my own friends push their significant others toward engagement and it makes me cringe. Yeah, a diamond ring is pretty. But marriage is about SO much more than that. Parents, friends: I know you’re excited and anxious for them. But wouldn’t you rather them communicate about this big decision and take it at their own pace rather than wind up divorced?  Also people- trust me, you will know when they get engaged because chances are if you’re related or close friends, you’ll be invited to the wedding. And if not, I’m sure like 90% of the population, it will be on Facebook for you to creep on.

5. You are being insensitive. Maybe they cannot physically have children. Maybe they are dealing with the loss of a baby that you never even knew about. Maybe *gasp* they do not want children.

Which brings me to the next part of this post…

The definition of a woman is many things. Specifically, Merriam-Webster defines the word as:

woman noun
  1. an adult female human being.

Do you see the word “mother” anywhere in there? No.

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I have the utmost respect for mothers. They are some of the strongest females I know. My own mother is one of my best friends. And if your one and only dream is to be a mother, I think that’s wonderful! There is nothing wrong with that. However, I have never said to any of these women, “Why would you want to be a mother?!”

Yet, it is perfectly normal for me to hear a gasp of surprise or the words “Why don’t you want kids?!” in a disapproving tone when the topic arises and I state that I don’t. Let me make it clear: Not wanting children does NOT make me, or any other female, less of a woman.

*Note: I am not slamming motherhood, or those women who are/want to be mothers.  However, I am slamming those who feel the need to tell people it is their duty as a woman to have children.

So again: NOT WANTING CHILDREN DOES NOT MAKE ME, OR ANY OTHER FEMALE, LESS OF A WOMAN.

And I am sick of brushing these remarks off and allowing them to make me feel this way. It is perfectly fine for a man to not want kids, but not for a woman?  In this day and age, more women than ever before are leaning away from starting families and further into their careers. Yet, there is still backlash. Many of us still don’t feel comfortable talking about it because of the reactions we get. No, I am not a heartless human. Yes, I have a soul. No, I don’t hate children.  And furthermore, let’s just put this to rest.

Please avoid the following responses when someone says, “I don’t want children.”

1. “I didn’t want kids either when I was your age.” I am about to be 26. Yes, I get that at sixteen I didn’t want them, but *newsflash* ten years later, here we are, and I still don’t. This decision can and does change with some women as they age, however, please learn to separate the idea that the more birthdays you have, the more likely you are to yearn for offspring. Furthermore, “Once you find someone you love, you’ll want to create a family with them.” Yes, that does happen! But I have found that person, and my ovaries are still just fine, thank you.

2. “You’ll get out of the party phase, and see that it can be fun.” I can say from personal experience that I do not go bar-hopping every weekend, and it’s been a couple years since I have. My life is currently filled with a full-time job, taking writing classes, working on a future chapbook, and training for a full marathon, all while maintaining friendships, a serious relationship, and fulfilling my passion for traveling.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m not partying, and I still don’t want kids.

3. “Your life will be so dull without kids.” I’ll just leave this here:

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4. “The greatest joy in life is being a mother.” …for you. Does everyone like mushrooms on their pizza? No. Stop acting like every freaking female has the same itinerary as you. I know that I cannot actually comprehend the joys of motherhood since I am not a mother, but I do not for one minute doubt that it is an incredible and amazing journey. However, if I am not entirely sure that journey is right for me, perhaps you should hold your tongue before you tell me what would be the greatest joy in my life.

5. “You’ll change your mind.” You know what, maybe I will. But MAYBE I won’t. And what I can’t fathom (for the life of me!) is why others are so offended by the latter. People do not need to “grow” out of this feeling. We do not need to change our minds to fit a certain social agenda. This is the number one response I hear from people, and sometimes I just want to scream. “Okay,” would be a good response when I tell you I don’t want kids. Or, “Whatever you want is what you should do.” We say the phrase, “To each their own,” to nearly everything- why not this?

6. “Your biological clock is ticking…won’t you be lonely?” Oh, is it? Didn’t know I had one. Guess I better book that trip to Southeast Asia. Guess I better train for my next marathon. Guess I better write that book before my mind goes, too. Guess I better do all the other things in the world that I want to do that don’t include reproducing. For the record, you are never too young or too old to accomplish what you want. And if I really am feeling lonely, I will get a cat. Or a dog. Or a pet dolphin, whatever. I will visit my friends. I will spend time with my family and their children. I will go shopping with my niece. I will take care of my parents. I will go on dates with my husband. I will strengthen those relationships and give more time and attention to those I do have. I have never felt the urge to have a child or give birth. Also, if I can’t hold my iPhone for 5 minutes without dropping it, chances are I probably don’t want to hold your baby.  Some people just don’t have that motherly instinct, and there is nothing wrong with that.

7. “That’s what a woman’s purpose on Earth is.” or “It’s how God intended it.” I honestly have to unclench my fists to type this. Just because I have all the necessary parts to give birth to a child does not mean that it is my sole purpose in life. I AM NOT A BABY FACTORY. While I may not know my complete purpose on this Earth, I do know that touching the lives of others, making a difference, and being happy can be achieved by a wide variety of different things that do not include bearing a child. Maybe my purpose is to be a writer, or a teacher, or a student, or a friend/daughter/sister/aunt/lover/wife. I do believe in God. But I also believe he made us all unique for a reason. Every individual has their own talents, desires, and goals. If it is truly a sin in the eyes of the Lord to not have children, then I suppose I am ready to risk that.

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Get the idea out of your head that not having children is a selfish decision. Although my reproduction organs seem to be in perfectly fine condition, there are others who are not in the same boat. Sometimes it’s easier for them to say, “Kids just aren’t for us.” Those who have had miscarriages, or lost a child, may not want to bring the pain of that loss back to the surface. Maybe they are still struggling with the recent news that they cannot have children.  Consider that before you jump to conclusions. Furthermore, being responsible is not being selfish. I firmly believe that we should let those who want to be mothers, be mothers. Bringing a child into this world when you do not want to be a parent can cause a plethora of problems, including lack of proper care for the child. It is much better to know you do not want children and not have them, than to not be sure and bring a child into that situation. “Is it because you don’t want stretch marks?” Well, I’m not jumping at the bit to get them, but no. Stretch marks would be the least of my concerns. Perhaps my career is taking off and I want to focus on that, or I am always on the go. My boyfriend is in the military, as my brother is, and although my brother and his wife have a baby and are wonderful parents, I am not the same woman as my sister-in-law. She was meant to be a mother, and has always wanted to be one. I love that about her, but I do not share this feeling with her. Plus, being a military S.O. can be hard enough, I do not want to be a military mom and feel like I am raising the child completely on my own. And yes, it’s true- I do like my independence and freedom, but there are more reasons than just that. I can also go into financial concerns, as affording rent and repaying student loans are their own beasts (even without adding the expenses of a child) but I won’t go there. Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand that despite these issues, it can be done. Schedules can be managed, and you can make it work even when the money is tight.  I can go into the problems our country is facing and how I am reluctant to bring up a child into a world that terrifies me, but again, I won’t go there. I can respond to your claims that I am just being selfish, and my generation is lazy, self-centered, greedy, etc. But I won’t go there, either.

Because bottom line, I don’t think I should have to ever explain myself on this topic.
As long as you are not causing harm to others, be whoever and whatever you want. And don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.

“Well, you’ll regret it someday.” Maybe you’re right. But I’d rather take my chances than regret giving birth to a kid I don’t want just because everyone else thought it was a good idea for me.

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P.S.

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Pittsburgh Poetry Review Roadshow

Calling yinz near and far, check out Pittsburgh Poetry Review!

My poem “Tuesdays at Baum Grove” was published in Issue Two, and I read at the  Pittsburgh Poetry Review Roadshow last night (Thursday, May 19th) at  Té Café in Squirrel Hill with Jen Ashburn.

(Note: Seeing your name on a poster for the first time as a featured reader is pretty cool.)

Some photos from the evening.

 

I read a total of ten poems, one of which I had literally thrown together that same afternoon. Some I had written in my Madwomen workshops, some came from my experiences in Spain, and others uncovered the emotions behind getting my pacemaker.

Jen Ashburn, who lived in Japan for four years, graced us with her incredible poems, as did Jason Irwin and Jill Khoury for the Open Mic session.

Although I didn’t try any tea, Té Café had some really good coffee in cups the size of giant soup bowls. Definitely will be coming back for the poetry and the caffeine 🙂

Check out next week’s readers Edward Murray, Jamilla Rice, and Janeen Rastall. Same place, same time!

Pittsburgh Poetry Review currently publishes 3 issues a year, March, July, and November. You can find more information on their website or on their Facebook page.

 

Special thanks again to those that made this possible: Michael Albright, Jennifer Jackson Berry, and Daniel Shapiro for seeing something in my work and taking a chance on me.

Thanks so much to everyone that came out! Hope you enjoyed my words as much as I loved reading them.

 

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All Safeties Off

Great news! My poem “All Safeties Off” was published in Pittsburgh City Paper.

Check it out here.

 

All Safeties Off

It was Christmas Day in our backyard
when I first shot my dad’s hunting rifle —
felt it kick back into my shoulder as he looked on,
keeping distance
as shells went flying.
I fingered the trigger,
breathed the weight of it all
burning hot metal
swallowing painted targets
my shaky hands steadying & aiming —
all safeties off.

And I thought, here I am
deep in December — sweating
because
there was something
within the chamber
I couldn’t point to
barreling through me just the same
& the weapon clicks
white knuckle grip
I need to reload, but what’s the point
if all my ghosts wear bulletproof vests
& don’t understand the word no
or stop
& my dad yells, Bull’s eye! 

& I drop
the gun.

 

 

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